Human Sexuality
by ElegiacJubilation
Summary: Finn's been more promiscuous lately, and Bubblegum has taken notice. The princess decides it's time for her hero to learn about the birds and the bees. Set after "Breezy". Rated M for sexual themes. Chapter 2 is a little lemony.
1. Seeking Pleasure and Avoiding Risk

Finn was happy for the first time in a long time. His lady spree—hopping princess to princess in pursuit of contentment—had presented no respite to his gloom. In fact, his evening with Lumpy Space Princess made him feel even worse. But with the inexplicable return of his arm, he'd bounced back to his former, jovial self.

The human took off to the Tree Fort as dawn approached. There, he hurriedly told Jake of what happened—though there was little to tell. Awoken far too early, the sleep-deprived pup could only manage a feeble "yay" before waving his brother off and rolling back over. But Finn was too excited; he had to tell somebody. He hopped over to the window and eyed the landscape, thinking of where to go.

Most of his friends were still asleep. Marceline slept by day and, judging by the growing shades of red on the horizon, she'd be dormant soon enough. He knew better than to disturb a sleeping vampire. That only left one person: Princess Bubblegum.

All-nighters were common for Peebles. On an average day, she'd work for 20 hours if not more. But after the tower incident—after he'd unwittingly collapsed his haphazard structure straight through a third of the Candy Kingdom—she'd been wholly restless, busied with repairs. Guilt-ridden and all but exiled, the human had been keeping his distance from the princess.

However, his newfound enthusiasm seemed to surpass his hesitancy. He leapt from the Fort and ran toward the castle, now a black mountain silhouetted by the morning light.

* * *

Despite the hour, the kingdom was bustling and noisy. Most of the citizens were only just waking, but construction crews had been operating non-stop to fix the damage. Surprisingly, no one seemed too upset with him—rather, he was being welcomed as he usually would. Bubblegum must've kept his involvement a secret, he realized. In the land of Ooo, a random tower being assembled by magic was less than atypical. It subsequently collapsing and causing yet another calamity was even less so—unaccountable disasters were a frequent occurrence, after all. As far as the candy people knew, something rose and fell from the Grasslands, and no one was to blame.

Finn waved to the starstruck workers and walked into the broken side of the castle. As he expected, Bubblegum was as active as her subjects. Adorned in her usual lab gear, she was testing another new gadget. It reassembled the broken walls at a much more efficient pace. In her wake, the hallway appeared brand new. She turned his way, revealing the black eye he'd previously given her. It was yet to heal fully.

"Uh...hi, Prubs," he said shamefully.

The princess disengaged the device and, seeing who had arrived, quickly discarded of it. She jogged his way, a sense of urgency in her stride. Finn gulped. She didn't look happy; he wondered if he'd find himself in the dungeon soon enough.

"Finn! Glob, where have you been? I've been calling you since Monday but Jake keeps picking up. He says you've been all over Ooo lately—since your doctor's appointment?"

"Oh yeah, well…" he trailed off and shrugged, unwilling to tell her of his recent escapades.

Bubblegum gasped at the sight of his new arm. She grabbed his wrist brazenly and pulled him closer. With her other hand, she poked at his flesh and scratched at the thorn in his palm.

"Wow, this is impressive. Who made it?" she asked. Her tone was bitter, as though she couldn't believe another Oooian would create a better prosthetic limb than her.

"Nobody. I just...grew it myself, I guess."

"Huh...I didn't know humans could do that…" she said. "Interesting. Well, I have something much more important to discuss with you. Follow me."

His heart skipped a beat. He'd donked up before but this was something else. Bubblegum would surely have some kind of punishment waiting…

"So," she continued as they walked down the hall. "Word is you've been gettin' around lately." The princess smirked at him and raised an eyebrow. He blushed and avoided eye contact. "Don't be embarrassed, Finn—it's perfectly healthy. But there are some precautions you need to take, and I doubt Jake has given you all the details…"

"Like what?"

"Well...when you're with a girl, and things are starting to get more..._amorous_, you may want to take things a little further. I'm sure you've heard all this before, yes?"

"Yeah—Jake _did_ tell me 'bout this stuff, Peebs. You hug an' kiss, then the lady shows you her stomach, you get to rub her horn, etcetera. Then you get married an' junk."

Bubblegum halted and stared at him, dumbfounded.

"No. That's not correct _at all_. Well, maybe it is of him and Lady—but not everybody else. This is long overdue...I think it's time you learn about the birds and the bees, Finn."

"Oh, I know all about bees," he said, remembering Breezy. "Flower lust, royal jelly, pollen crumbles, and becoming a drone...I don't think I'm interested."

Peebles sighed and rubbed a temple. This was going to be more difficult than she anticipated. She ushered Finn into a nearby room and closed the door behind them. It looked to be some kind of war room. A long conference table sat in the center, surrounded by chairs. On the back wall, a white canvas hung from the ceiling. Beside it, a plain podium. The projector was fitted to the ceiling on the opposite side of the room.

"Take a seat."

The human obeyed, plopping down in the nearest chair. Bubblegum pulled a drive from a pocket on her lab coat and inserted it into the projector. From the back of the podium, she retrieved its remote.

"Okay, so…" she began, pressing a button. The room lights flicked off and the canvas was flooded with a blank image. "I've been preparing this presentation for quite a while. Actually, I started it right after that little scare you had with Flame Princess."

With another button press, the projection changed. It read, **Human Sexuality: Seeking Pleasure and Avoiding Risk, Pt. 1**. A muffled snicker was heard. Bubblegum met Finn with an annoyed stare, and he shrugged—both assumed the noise came from the other.

"Before we begin, let's discuss what you've done so far," she said.

"Peebs, I dunno if I want to do this right now. I'm kind of in a good mood, an' I thought I'd—"

"Go spend some time with yet another princess?" she interrupted. "And end up with an unplanned litter of babies—like Jake?" She sighed once more, immediately regretting her hostility. "Look, Finn...you're my champion. You're my _friend_. I'm just trying to help you out. And...I think you owe me this much. I let you off the hook for the tower devastation."

The human blushed, guilt overwhelming him. He straightened his posture. "Okay."

"Good. Now then, what _have_ you done so far?"

In an instant, his entire history with women flooded through his mind. Uncertain of the princess' expectations, he chose to start at the beginning.

"I made out with...you. Then I hugged an' made out with the 13-year-old you. Then I hugged Phoebe, then we made out too. Then I made out with Crab Princess, then—"

"Whoa—we never 'made out'. We've barely even kissed. What do you mean exactly?"

Finn appeared a little hurt, but continued: "Y'know, we touched lips. I've been doin' that all over the place lately. Doctor's orders."

Bubblegum squinted. She decided she'd have a serious talk about professionalism with Doctor Princess later.

"Okay, so...that's not 'making out'. That's just kissing. Making out is more..._lengthy_ and _intimate_. What else have you done besides hugging?"

"Nothing really. 'Cept for last night with LSP. She said we were...going in 'the deep end'? An' that she was 'on lifeguard duty'. I wasn't really into it, but she pinned me down, so…"

The princess suddenly looked horrified. She raised a hand to cover her mouth, upset that her hero had been taken advantage of. He was so innocent, so inexperienced...and he'd had nothing but bad luck with romance thus far. LSP using him could hurt his confidence irreparably. Peebles stepped around the conference table and embraced him.

"Oh Finn, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" she asked.

"Y-yeah," he responded, confused. "Why wouldn't I be?"

She pulled away and cocked her head. "Wait...what did she _do_ to you?"

"She just licked my face a lot...and rubbed her lumps all over my chest. It was pretty weird but it didn't hurt or nothin'."

It wasn't as bad as she assumed. Still though, it did sound pretty disgusting. Bubblegum resumed her position behind the podium and regained her composure.

"We'll start there, then. Lesson One: _consent_."

An exasperated groan filled the room. Peebles looked offended. Finn looked perplexed.

* * *

A myriad of dry, repetitive lessons followed. Consent, open communication, boundaries, and respectful approach were all covered in painstaking detail. The human struggled to remain focused.

"Now, let's discuss _anatomy_," the princess said.

Finn heard a quiet sigh of relief from over his shoulder, as though someone was standing behind him. He turned but saw nothing out of the ordinary. When he looked back to the projection, he shrieked in surprise.

"There's no reason to get upset. It's scaled up for clarity; the proportions aren't exactly...average."

Bubblegum pulled out a laser pointer and aimed it at the diagram of a penis.

"Here's the shaft, the head, the meatus, the frenulum, the…"

Her words lost meaning as his concentration faded. He stared at the image, then at her. It was shocking to see her so casual about it...a picture of someone's privates was plastered on the wall and she didn't seem to care. Instead, she drew _more _attention to it.

"...and it's worth noting that most Oooians have a similar anatomy. All sapient Ooo species sexually reproduce and are split into males and females—while shape and size may differ, the mechanism is identical. Not all pairings may produce fertile offspring, though you should always act as though it's a possibility. This diagram is based on a candy person's anatomy—I designed their genitals after those of humans, from a pre-war textbook I pieced together—so it should be most relevant for your edification. Finn?"

He snapped out of his stupor and nodded.

"Now, let's go over female anatomy. Like male, it is very similar with most—"

Suddenly, the projector fell from its mount. On impact, it shattered, plunging the room into darkness. The princess huffed and turned the lights on with her remote, then walked over to inspect the damage.

"That's so strange...it looks like the base was _forcibly_ torn where the screws met the panel. How could it—aw darn! My drive!"

Bubblegum pulled the remaining pieces of the device from the pile. It had been crushed under the weight of the projector.

"My only copy..._darn_. I should'a backed it up, but Peps is always looking through my stuff. I didn't want any prying eyes." She looked to her hero. "Sorry, Finn. This'll have to be a verbal lesson. Unless…"

She weighed her options mentally. Undoubtedly, the human had been infatuated with her for a long time, though he seemed to be over it now. But his education took priority. And, given his track record that past week, there was a good chance he'd be getting more serious with someone soon enough. He needed to learn, and he needed to learn _now_. The argument made sense but something in the back of her mind seemed to promote it further. A sort of satisfaction she expected from it...she dismissed the notion as best she could. Still, it remained.

"Okay, I have a better idea." She took a step back and discarded of her lab coat. "I'll be your visual reference. I'm a humanoid myself; my anatomy should suffice."

A giggle sounded from beside the human. Both he and the princess were too distracted to notice.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Heads up—I intend for this to be a fairly short story, three chapters or so. This is my second Adventure Time fanfic. The first is called _The Hero's Heart_, if you're interested. Their beginnings are rather similar, though it wasn't intentional.**

**Anyway, please review and offer criticism! I intend to improve and your input helps. Feel free to leave suggestions for future stories as well—character match-ups, plot points, prompts, etc.**

**As always, thanks for reading!**


	2. Demonstration

Finn's mouth rested agape, his body limp in the seat, his mind all but lost. Equal parts of him screamed to stop her—to salvage normality and protect their friendship—and demanded that he remain still. The latter willed out, and he found his body inoperable. All he could do was stare and wait for the inevitable.

Beneath the lab coat, Princess Bubblegum was wearing an informal outfit: a plain pink sweater and jeans. She let her hair fall loose first. Long and unstyled, it draped down her face and rested on her shoulders. Past the veil, he could see very little of her expression. Anxiously, she bit her lip and pulled her top off over her head.

Her breasts—much larger than he'd expected, and incomparably beautiful—fell free of the garment and bounced tantalizingly before him. Her skin was as perfect there as everywhere else. Her nipples were striking; they were a darker shade of pink, and sized precisely to compliment her bosom. Though large, her chest appeared firm.

He didn't know why, having been shielded from sex thus far, but he was desperate to have them. What that entailed, he wasn't sure. Simultaneously, he wanted to suck them, hold them, squeeze them, taste them, play with them… Had he not been rendered insensible, he'd have surely pounced without inhibition.

Bubblegum took a moment to catch her breath, to let her heart-rate calm—though part of her knew it was to watch his reaction—then proceeded with her lesson.

"These," she started, her voice cracking. "_Ahem_—these are breasts." She gestured to her chest with both hands, as one would present a prize on a game show. "As I'm sure you've noticed, they're not a staple of the candy people. They are, however, relatively common throughout Ooo—most notably with princesses. Breasts serve two primary functions: firstly, they are used to nourish infants. Glands in the nipples secrete a nutrient-rich solution which…"

He couldn't help but ignore the clinical explanation. He simply had no interest. For as long as she'd been topless, he hadn't moved his eyes—or blinked, for that matter.

"...but their second use, I believe, will be much more applicable for the time being. The breasts are commonly used in _foreplay_, sexual acts which typically precede intercourse—which, as I'm sure you know, is what we typically refer to as '_sex_'. I believe Jake calls it…'Tier Fifteen'?"

The human was suddenly much more attentive.

"You see, the nipples are also erogenous zones—areas on the body that, when manipulated, may provide a sexual stimulus. That is, it feels pleasurable to rub, lick, or suck on them for either partner."

It was as though she read his thoughts aloud. As though to demonstrate her point, the princess held her right breast and gently massaged herself. He shifted in his seat to get nearer and noticed a tightness in his pants.

"But this is all superficial, really. It's more important that you learn what's below the belt."

This time, she hesitated. No one in the room breathed as the princess unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down her long, slender legs. Finn had seen her in shorts, skirts, and even bikinis—her legs were no mystery to him—yet the circumstances made the reveal wholly enticing. She was down to her underwear, a thong that left little to the imagination. At her most casual, he'd have never pictured her wearing something so skimpy under her clothes.

Her physique was breathtaking. Somehow, her bare chest made her legs all the more alluring, and vice versa. His eyes danced back and forth, soaking in every detail. She paused briefly then continued.

Her thumbs slid between her skin and the thong, poised to pull them down. The human's vision was now laser-focused on that which was yet to be revealed. His gaze was so steady and intense, the room around him appeared to dissolve. Nothing existed between he and her—for a moment, he feared he was going blind.

The thin piece of fabric was brought down and released. Princess Bubblegum, in all her exquisite, delicate glory, was exposed to the hero. His mind was clouded and static. Every last bit of mental fortitude was dedicated to the display, to appreciating her incredible body. And when she finally spoke, her words came to him as though he was submerged in water. His surroundings bled back into place and he, arduously, reclaimed a semblance of attention.

"...this is the female form," he heard, her voice now becoming discernible. "Unlike males, our reproductive organs are _internal_. That which is accessible is mainly used for stimulation—but we'll get into that later. First, let me show you all the relevant parts."

With surprising fluidity, Bubblegum hopped onto the conference table and spread her legs. Her wet lips parted and he slowly drifted back into his daze. As with her breasts, this aroused a million urges in him. The carnal beast within couldn't make up its mind—he wanted to explore her folds with his mouth and tongue but more so, he wanted to utilize the throbbing length in his shorts in ways he was yet to discover.

"This is the vulva. It is ubiquitous in Ooo, though varying widely in appearance. Many follow a similar pattern, however…" her lesson was sometimes understood, sometimes not. It faded in and out of his recognition like the tide. "...the labia extend from the perineum to...the clitoris is extremely sensitive. Be sure to exploit that during lovemaking...though not technically a part of the reproductive system, the anus is sometimes incorporated in a number of ways...and here is the vagina. This is where, in standard intercourse, the man inserts his erect penis."

That last statement pulled him from the depths of euphoria and back into the moment. Again, she seemed to translate his desire into words. As if to validate her explanation, the princess slipped a finger in her gaping entrance.

Suddenly, something gripped his member. He was too stunned to speak or move—whatever it was, it continued unabated. The pressure was gratifying and much welcome given Bubblegum's tempting display. She, too, seemed to lose focus. Her lecture halted, and she pressed another finger into her aching flesh.

The human hunched over in his seat and watched Bubblegum pleasure herself. The sound of her strokes confessed her arousal—her strokes were loud, her lips dripping with fluid. It fueled his own lust, and the force acting on his groin soon intensified. He couldn't help but cry out with ecstasy. In turn, the princess increased her own whimpers. They went back and forth, feeding one another's passion while, at the same time, seemingly competing to reach orgasm.

Whatever had him in its grasp made sure that Finn finished first. An unseen thumb ran circles underneath the head of his penis. Even through the two layers of fabric, the new feeling was overwhelming. His eyes rolled back and he gasped. His body convulsed as he released his seed. His breathing was haggard and strained, his face blood-red, his teeth clenched. For the first time, the hero climaxed—it was as alarming as it was satisfying...though the latter quickly triumphed.

Ultimately, he collapsed into the chair, thoroughly spent. The invisible partner freed him quickly and, as far as Bubblegum could tell, he'd finished simply by observing her demonstration. She sat up on the table and gawked, both impressed and flattered, and watched the blotch grow on his shorts.

"I...I...I'm...sor..._sorry_…" he said, fighting against his aching lungs. "I didn't mean to...I just…"

The princess stood up and approached him.

"Oh, Finn—there's nothing to be sorry about," she said sweetly. "Why don't you go get cleaned up?"

Her smile was ceaseless as she helped him out of the seat and to the door. With a kiss on the cheek, she sent him off and closed the door.

"Silly boy."

Bubblegum turned and skipped back to the table, overflowing with delight. She laid out on its surface and basked in her euphoria, giggling as though drunk.

Then, another cackle came from the other side of the room. It was a familiar sound, and it immediately overshadowed her happiness with resentment. She sat up and covered herself with her hands, looking toward the concealed intruder.

"_Marceline_."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**That's it for the lemony goodness. Nothing much, just a little Finn x Bubblegum moment. The next chapter will wrap things up.**

**Let me know what you think of my writing. How could I improve? Constructive reviews are always appreciated.**

**Feel free to suggest prompts, plot ideas, character match-ups, etc.**

**As always, thanks for reading!**

* * *

**P.S. Smiling Lemon — message received. I have a couple stories in mind that will incorporate some B-list princesses. Don't worry, they're coming soon. I just felt like getting this quick one-shot out there first. Do you have any preference for which princesses I should use? I really appreciate your readership, by the way. Your comments on _The Hero's Heart_ were very motivating. Thanks for sticking around!**


	3. Explanation

In response to her name, the Vampire Queen materialized. Her expression was as giddy as Bubblegum's had been; her cheeks were flushed and she bit her lower lip, nearly smiling. As indifferent as she tried to appear, the sight was incriminating—she'd been enjoying herself.

"Oh hi, Bon Bon," she said, gliding closer. "What's the haps?"

The princess eyed her and opted not to speak. The nearer the vampire came, the more she attempted to cover herself.

"Fine then, I'll just be on my way..."

She floated toward the door lazily, clearly trying to goad Bonnie into speaking.

"_Wait_," she said, freezing Marcy in her tracks. She sighed. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why're you spying on me and Finn?"

Twisting around midair, Marceline chuckled. "Just tryin' to have a little fun—like the old days."

The comment was a jab at their former relationship, and Bubblegum didn't appreciate the implication. Watching the vampire smirk, something occurred to her: she'd done more than just observe them.

"Marceline, did you...were you _touching_ Finn?"

"Well _yeah_," she laughed. "I gave him a handy through his pants. You didn't think he blew his load just looking, did you?"

Bonnibel turned away, embarrassed and a little hurt. Marcy realized her reaction was genuine, and chose to abandon her aloof frontage.

"Hey, Bonnie...I wasn't tryin' to upset you." She rushed over and rested beside the princess. "I was just goofin' off. And, y'know...messin' with Finnie."

She sighed once more. "I know. It's just…"

"You're still crushin' on him, huh?"

Bubblegum's cheeks glowed red.

Marceline smiled. "You know he'll be eighteen soon enough. And he's _not_ over you, Bonnie. It'll happen."

It was the princess' turn to smile. Satisfied with her work, the Queen lifted off of the table and turned to face her. She offered her hand and helped Bonnibel stand. Then she glided to the pile of clothes on the floor and started tossing them over.

"Oh yeah—sorry about the projector. I figured you'd strip down with the right excuse," she teased.

As she dressed, Bonnie gave her a sarcastic glance. "Don't worry about it."

Once she was fully clothed, the pair stepped out into the hall.

"So," Marcy said. "You need any help with repairs?"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**That's the end. Sorry for the short chapter, but I just needed something small to wrap things up. When I first started writing _The Hero's Heart_, this was what I intended the story to be. A little sex-ed lesson with Bubblegum and an eavesdropping Vampire Queen. Somehow, it turned into a 20 chapter, 40,000 word monster (not that it wasn't fun to write). So I figured I'd give my original idea a shot before moving on.**

**Be sure to review and tell me what you thought. How can I improve?**

**Thanks very much for reading! Stick around, more stories are on their way.**


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